One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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