I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize