I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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