Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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