So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
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How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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