I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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