And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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