He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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