Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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