I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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