I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize