Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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