how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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