I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize