can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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