I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need a beard to bite.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize