If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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