I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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