Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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