Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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