theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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