She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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