If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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