i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
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Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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