Sponge bath it is.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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