Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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