billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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