Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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