I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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