So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
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It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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