I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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