I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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