If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
where are you?
Hypothermia
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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