I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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