Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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