Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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