made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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