I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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