I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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