Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize