Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Randomize
Follow @tfln