how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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