Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize