I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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