I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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