What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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