Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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