And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
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I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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