she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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