Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize